What is love?
by crazy little witchy
Summary: It's a short parody. Just some pointless humor. Read only if you have the time to waste :p
1. Chapter 1

**11/13/05** – I changed some stuff

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I decided to make this little humor piece. It's a parody of a lot of stuff from the show. I hope I don't make anyone angry, it's just supposed to make you laugh, or smile even :)

Any comments, review. If you have a suggestion or an idea I could add, review or email me.

Hope you enjoy :D

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Joan and Adam are trying to work things out

"Oh Jane I love you, but my sculpture" Adam said putting his hand dramatically in his forehead like a bad soap opera actress "It was so pretty, with all those weird things I put in it. Do you know how much trouble I went stealing things from people's houses to put in it? By the way, there's a piece of your mailbox in it if you want it back"

"Oh, yeah _that_. I thought you would have forgotten about it by now. Adam I'm sorry. But you know me crazy Joan, always doing crazy things. In my defense it _was_ a fun thing to do. You should try it sometime. _Great_ stress reliever"

"Cha. How can you say that Jane? Now I'm gonna have to go sulk in my shed thinking about how unfair my life is and about my annoying girlfriend Iris who I can't stand. And then I'll probably go steal-I mean find stuff to make two or three more weird sculptures of mine. See if I can get another sucker to buy one" Adam said leaving

"Oh Adam please don't go." Joan said trying to stop him, movie style extending her hand and placing her other hand in her forehead, but he kept walking "I have to win him back, but how? Think Joan think. Oh I know! I'll win him back with a song! I'm so smart" Joan said running into a light post "Ok, so Luke is the smart one" She then ran in the direction of the music store

And suddenly all through Arcadia a song was heard

_**What is love?**_

_**Baby don't hurt me **_

**_Don't hurt me No mo'_**

Adam was on his way to the shed after stealing- I mean finding a garden gnome for his new sculpture when he heard the song "It couldn't be…Could it? Could it really be Jane?" He went back to find out

He found Joan holding a radio over her head and dancing moving only her head left and right with the rhythm (Like they do in that movie "A Night at The Roxbury") until she hit the light post beside her with her head and dropped the radio

"Oh Jane, is that song really for me? It's so romantic"

"Yes Adam. That song is dedicated entirely to you from me. With all my feelings and stuff" Joan said as they kissed. Then Adam got down on one knee.

"Oh Jane, will you marry me?"

"Oh, of course Adam. Of course I'll marry you. But where did you get that ring?

"I always carry it around in case I have to spontaneously propose" He said smiling

"That is so romantic! Oh Adam, but what about Iris?"

"Cha, I don't know. You take care of her"

"Well my Dad is the chief of police so _maybe_ I know some people who could take care of her, _if _you know what I mean…"

"Unchallenged Jane. We're so perfect together"

"I forgot what unchallenged means? Is it yes?"

"Unchallenged"

"... Ok. So there's something you should know about me Adam. It's a secret that I've been trying to tell you since we met. You probably don't even imagine what it is, but I have to tell you if we want to start our relationship again" A dramatic silence filled the air as Joan began her secret "Adam I-"

"You talk to God" Adam finished her sentence

"-talk to God" Joan said after him, her dramatic, tension-filled moment ruined "But how did you know? How could you possibly know if I didn't tell you? I'm so good at keeping secrets. I never tell. Like when Grace told me not to tell about her Barbie collection, or when Kevin told me not to tell people he really can walk, he's just lazy."

"Oh Jane I know, I've always known that's why you do crazy stuff all the time. But you should know something about me too Jane" The dramatic silence filled the air again "I talk to the leprechaun from the Lucky Charm's box."

"Really?" Joan said interested "Is he nice? I've never met a celebrity before. What is he like?"

"He's a funny dude when he's not telling me to burn stuff"

"Oh. Cool. So we're both crazy talking to invisible people. Kiss me Adam. Kiss me now"

"Cha Jane unchallenged" And they kissed

"I have a question Adam, why do you call me Jane?"

"What? That isn't your name?" He said confused. Joan looked at him shocked, but then smiled

"I'm going to pretend you didn't really say that and then make up some mega romantic reason for when people ask me that"

"Sure, whatever Jane. Oh hey look there's lucky Jane" He said waving to no one "Hi lucky. What? You want me to burn her? But I love her. Iris? Yeah I can burn her"

And they kissed again and lived happily ever after, until Joan ran into another pole and went into a coma...

From the sidewalk Grace and Luke watched them

"This is disgusting" Grace said

Luke looked at her "Yeah, really disgusting. In fact just by kissing you transfer more that a hundred germs and saliva-"

Grace interrupted him "Want to make out?"

"Hell yeah" And they started making out right there

**-fin-**

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He, he, well it was fun to write... Now come the flying tomatoes -**ducks and run**-


	2. Chapter 2

Yes! It's back again! Insert crazy maniacal laugh here…

Ok, so I was bored and after I've even forgotten I had stories published here… (I have short attention spam and I just started college... lame excuse I know) I went and got a review –YAY- So I got all excited and wrote a lil something, something.

Hope you all don't throw tomatoes at me!

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"Hey Jane, how are you?" Adam asked but got no response "We don't talk anymore Jane. Do you have someone else in your life now?"

"Adam, she's in a coma, of course she's not going to answer you or talk to you anymore" Luke said annoyed.

"Oh yeah, that's right I always forget that" Adam said embarrassed

"I though you had a photographic memory Adam" Grace said sitting besides Luke

"Oh yeah, I forgot… Who are you again?"

"Grace. Your best friend Grace. I've known you since we were little and you weren't weird"

"Oh yeah right, right." Adam said getting even more embarrassed and sitting in another corner of the room to sulk "Hey these would look really great in a sculpture" He said steal- I mean putting a tray of hospital supplies in his backpack

"Hey everyone" Helen said coming in the room with Kevin

"I can't believe we're in a hospital room again so soon." Luke groaned

"Yep, so pay up the bet geek" Kevin said getting five dollars form Luke

"What bet?" Helen asked

"Oh nothing mom. Luke and I here are just trying to make the most out of our family's tragedies. I bet him that it would take us at least a month before one of us was in the hospital again and he lost" Kevin said putting the money in his pocket

"My boys, so grown up. Already making money on their own." Helen said, her eyes watering "Soon they're going to get married and leave me all alone"

"Where is she?" Will came into the room screaming and looking frantic "Where is my little girl? What happened now?"

"Calm down dad, she's just in a coma" Luke said

"Who did this to her! Joan! Joan wake up" He said shaking the sleeping Joan "Wake up!"

"Will calm down" Helen said

"I'll find the bastard who did this to her, and I'll kill him" He said getting his gun out "It was probably that Andy Baker. I know it was him" Will said firing a shot at the ceiling "When I find him I'm going to-"

"Will" Helen interrupted him "Andy Baker is the boy who was in Kevin's car accident, he had nothing to do with this" Helen said annoyed getting chalk from the ceiling where Will fired out of her hair and clothes

"Oh. Then it was probably you Luke! I've seen the way you're always hanging out at our house; always with your "science experiments" But I know what you were really doing! You were practicing magic! Invoking the spirits in my own house! You with your witch voodoo science made my daughter like this!" He pointed the gun at Luke who jumped and hid behind the hospital sofa they were sitting on "Fix it!"

"It wasn't me! I only used the magic to help me get a girlfriend! I swear!" Luke practically screamed panicked "How do you think I got Grace? She's going to stay in love with me until I say the magic word. And that will never happen"

"You did what?" Kevin said amazed "And you Grace, aren't you going to do anything about this?"

"Luke is so hot" Grace said in a mechanical voice "I love Luke"

"Dude, you so gotta teach me how to do that" He said high-fiving Luke

"Will!" Helen screamed at him "That's your own son! He's always hanging at our house because he lives there too!"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry Luke. But if it wasn't you then who was it? Who made my daughter like this?"

"One of the light posts in second avenue dad" Kevin said

"That light post is going to pay!" Will shot two more times to the ceiling and left the room screaming vengeance

Helen ran out of the room after him "Will! Will come back! We're going to get sued again!"

"Our lives are so crazy. Could you imagine it was like that movie The Truman Show and our lives are actually a TV show?" Luke said getting up from behind the couch and sitting besides Grace again

"Come on Luke, You're crazy" Kevin said loudly then whispered "You know thoughts like that are forbidden"

_Somewhere else…_

_A dark room, we only seethe handof someone looking through a monitor_

"Sir, they're suspecting things" The voice of a woman said

"Don't worry, they're never going to find out" The voice belonging to the hand says and presses a button "This is my world" We hear a maniacal laugh

The light comes on

"I'm bored" Little girl God says coming into the room

"Hey! You're not allowed back here" We know see it was Cute boy God sitting in the chair and Old lady God was behind him

Dog walker God comes in the room "Hey, there you are little girl. She got away from me." He grabs her "Oh, cool what are all these buttons for?" Dog walker God asked looking at all the control panels

"Grandma, where's my black shirt?" Goth God asked coming into the room.

"Which black shirt? All your shirts are black" Old lady God said annoyed. One by one all the other God incarnations came into the room all talking at one

"Everyone! If it says 'master control room, no one else allowed inside' on the door, why do you all come in?" Cute Boy God screamed at all the God incarnations in the room "You have to wait until we air today's episode on the Arcadia channel at eight like everyone else!" He looks at the monitor with a creepy smile on his face "This is my show, and no one messes with it"

_Back in the hospital room_

A bunch of nurses come in and drag Luke away

"Hey, where are you taking me! Stop! I'm pretty sure you're violating some law here!" Luke continued to scream down the hall "Grace! Come save me!'

"See what happens when you start asking questions you shouldn't" Kevin told Grace

"Where are they taking my Luke?" Grace asked almost crying

"Hey don't worry. I'm sure they're just taking him to make all kinds of crazy experimentson him. He'll probably be back for Christmas"

And then all of a sudden police enter the room

"FREEZE! Is Adam Rove here?" One of the policemen asked. Everyone in the room pointed at Adam who was trying to get out of the room climbing through the window

"You're under arrest" The policemen said and another officer handcuffed Adam

"Me? Why?" He asked "I didn't do anything. I'm innocent"

"We raided your house Rove. We got proof" The policemen said again

"Oh man. I swear those are for medicinal purposes. For, umm… my… Grandma. My grandma, sure, yeah. Medicine for my grandma's glaucoma."

"That's not what we're talking about."

"Oh, then all that stuff, people donated it to me, It's not stolen. I don't steal"

"It's notthat either.You're under arrest for the mysterious burning of Iris." The policemen said

"I was set up! I swear it wasn't me! That woman set me up!" Adam screamed as the police dragged him out of the room "Lucky! Lucky come and save me! Tell them it was you!" Adam screamed to the air

Kevin and Grace were the only ones left in the room with Joan

"So Grace, it's just you and me now. Wanna get something to eat? I could go for some burritos" Kevin asked

"Burritos?" Grace got all dazed and the room started spinning. Then as if she was waking up from a dream she said "Thank you Kevin! You've finally freed me from your crazy brother's spell. Burrito was the magic word to break the curse. I'll be forever i your debt."

"Ok, you pay dinner then. Let's go"

And Kevin and grace left for the closest Taco Time leaving Joan all alone in the room

Now let's zoom to take a look at Joan's mind. See what she's thinking

"_What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no mo'. Don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no mo'_. Aaaargh now I got that song stuck to my head. I wonder if this is hell. Condemned to stay in a coma with that song stuck in my brain for all eternity. I thought a coma might be more fun, with hallucinations and stuff like that. What do you think Mr. Pink Bunny?"

"Oh yes, yes this coma is quite boring, I'm going to the one in the head of the boy next room, he has better music." And with that Mr. Pink Bunny left Joan's mind leaving her alone again.

"_What is love? Baby don't hurt me..."_

_Meanwhile out by Second Avenue…_

"Come on!" Will screamed to a lamp post "Fess up, which one of your buddies did it? You tell me now or I'll blow your lights out!"

**-The end-** …or is it?

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Yay! It's over. The few free hours I had today I spent doing this

Now back to the real world :S

Crazy Brujita


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